“I want you to teach me.” Steven Seagal, in all his creepy-gross glory, is knocking out shirtless pushups right at my feet. His thick-haired gut slops on the floor, making wet shlorpy noises with each halfass rep—it’s like his stomach is making out with the ground. “You’re a professional Man Whore. Teach me your ways.” […]
Yet another weird ad for my novels
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